Sunday, August 24th

Today, I hope to start the packing I had planned to start three weeks ago for another road trip with my dogs. Only Erde will be going with me on this trip, although Leben will surely be with us in my heart, and I am sure Erde's.  I hope to get on the road by next weekend, but I said that before. Fortunately, three weeks will have elapsed by then since I had to put Leben down, so I hope my deep grief by then will have been replaced by the joy of having had such a magnificent dog for so long, and what a magnificent dog Leben was, and Erde, too, still is.

When Sonntag, my previous German shepherd became paralyzed and wheel-chair bound in 1998, I set as one of my top two priorities to "not neglect Kessie."  While I did my best to honor that, I fear that she got the short end of the stick, even more so since her own life was shortened due to an accident that occurred while I was tending to Sonntag's needs.  When Leben became paralyzed in 2012, I set a similar priority for Erde, and I hope that she believes in her won way that I honored that.  I believe the way I managed both Leben and Erde these last two years gave me the chance to bond somewhat with Erde, since she never really bonded with me before as Leben did.   She didn't need me because she had her brother, with whom she had bonded long before I came into the picture.  But it also gave Erde the chance to have a life separate from her brother on two walks each day, which might have made the final separation less painful for her.

Despite two years' warning of their final separation, Erde is still taking the absence of her brother pretty hard.  I am doing all I possibly can to ease that pain, to make her feel like the special dog she really is.  But amidst the pressures of managing Leben and hope to give him a pleasant life, I overlooked the fact the Erde herself was aging.  The Erde I thought I had two weeks ago was the one who was so lively and playful on our trip to Labrador three years ago.  Now, trying to see through what is her grief, I find that the Erde I now have a 13-year old German shepherd, with a graying muzzle and slowing gait,  with less an interest in playing than just enjoying the few serious things in life that make for a content dog.

I am mindful now more than ever that our dogs are not with us forever, and that they could be here one day and gone the next.  So, my two top priorities, manage Leben to the finish live and don't neglect Erde, have been replaced with one, to treat Erde every day like the special dog she has always been for however long she is with me as my only dog.  This upcoming trip, therefore, will be my way of paying her back for being such a loyal, tolerant dog these last two years, and for helping me manage her brother to the finish life.  How happy I am to be able to make this trip with her.