Friday, August 29th

It has been three weeks since Leben was put down.  They say the worst part of grieving over a loss lasts three weeks. That may be the case, but I suspect that I will be grieving the loss of that magnificent dog for a long, long time.  I hope that is the case because it is the grief that replaces the bond, and when the grief is gone, the connection is lost, too.

Every night in the tent over the last several road trips with Leben and Erde, I played some music that I wanted to remember our trips and them by.  One of those musical pieces was Fur Alina by Arvo Part.  I had played that piece constantly in the two days before Leben died, and played it when he was being put down in our home.  If the grief of losing him ever disappeared, I wanted something to trigger it and the wonderful memories I have of 13+ years with that magnificent dog and his sister.  This morning, when I played it, there was still grief.  But for the first time in three weeks, my head swelled with pride and joy for having had such a wonderful dog for so long.

I am still planning to leave next week on our road trip, wherever it takes Erde and me this year.  I plan to stay at campsites the three of us stayed in over these last 13 years, and I intend to play Fur Alina and that other music each night before we retire.  If this prolongs the grief, I will accept that.  But if it intensifies the joy and pride that I have a right to, I will cherish that.  Leben and Erde were a team, and at least this music, and Erde as well, will be the connection to that team on this trip. So, in a way, it will still be a road trip with Leben and Erde, but the trip will be for Erde, to start making up to her for any neglect she might have gotten over the last several years.

Leben (left) and Erde overlooking the Gulf of St. Lawrence on the border of Quebec and Labrador, August 2011