I wrote 36 notes in my journal over the last two days that i wanted to record on my blog. Since i only have 45 minutes before taps, i don't think il'll get them all in, but I'll do my best.
Got a later than planned departure from Charleston yesterday due to a pleasant siege by a band of wildlife. No, not the raccoons that devoted of my readers will recall from our stay here two years ago, but a pack of six well-behaved kids from the campsite across from us. They were particularly interested in playing with Erde, which i greatly welcomed, and using my Defenders as a playground, inside and out. Its the first time ever that i permitted that to anyone and must say enjoyed watching them enjoy themselves. Another use for the Defender: a mobile playground.
I made it the Brent camp, 24 miles down a narrow dirt road into the wilderness of wonderful Algonquin Park, in good time, stopping for a break at the same pleasant park in Cobden we stopped in several times. I am finding on my trip that people at gas stations, diners and the like remember me from my previous trips, probably because of the Defender and my dogs. A few times i found myself starting to remark to myself how much easier the trip is this year, but then i stop and attribute it to better organization and planning as the result of seven of these trips. The trip is not easier with one dog. If it was, i would rather have the two dogs and 100 times any extra burdens that would cause. I would not be making these trips but for my dogs.
On the highway on the way to Brent, i got on my iPad to check some directions and discovered that my requested international plan was not there and so the iPad had no communications. Fortunately, ATT solved thus for me in four minutes and i git on my wat. Apparently, the rep I ordered this plan from though i wanted it on my cell phone. This will explain why some postings were sent twice.
I was hoping to get the campsite we stayed in twice before, but it was taken. 36 sites here, and two other campers, and it was taken. Thats probably for the best as i would have spent my time reminiscing instead of enjoying the moment with my sweetheart Erde.i did stop by the site and the occupants, Jeremy and Donna from a nearby city (0n these trips, anything within 1000 miles is nearby), let me see how the LEBEN + ERDE carving i made in the table there several years ago weathered, and it was actually quite joyous seeing it. A memory flashback. We also saw the same chipmunks that preoccupied so much of Leben's and Erde's attention while we were there, or many their descandants. The site we chose for our two-day stay here was superb, although i had to set up tarps to provide Erde with some shade during the five hours there was none. She did not need to be led to it, as she instinctively seeks the most comfortable spot for herself, in the camp, in the tent, or in the Defender.
With no other dogs or kids around to entertain Erde, i spent a good deal of the day throwing the ball for her and taking her to the water between my numerous chores on a driving-free day. I am not substitute for her brother in the water, but i would easily pass as a surrogate.
Erde still moans a few times a day when she is alone. Since she never did that before Leben died, she is grieving. But sooner or later she will realize that life goes on and that she is getting a pretty good deal from me. I think by now she must realize that her days of discipline are over and that she gets to do whatever she wishes, or almost. (She still gravitates toward the campsites occupied by others, and then attempts either to forage for food or do her business.) My grief is compounded because i am hurting knowing thar she is in emotional pain herself.
My grief is also compounded because not only did i lose Leben, but i lost the exquisite joy i experienced from the magic of the pack of two, and not only the two individual dogs. My intent, though, is to derive the same amount and quality of joy from this sweetheart of a dog i still have, and i can think of no better way to start that than by this road trip. And what joy i get from just starring at that beautiful, the same joy i got before from starring at the two of them. (My own spell check is off key. Is it staring or starring? No Google here to help me.)
My friend Amy gave me a book of Buddha sayings just before i left and i came across one today that fits the situation i am now experiencing, "He who has tasted the sweetness if solitude and tranquility is free from fear and sin. " Considering the there is only one other camper here, deep in the wilderness, with no electricity or anything but nature, Solitude and Tranquility are understatements. But I would add to Buddha's list Nature and Dogs. Please don't think i am striving to be a Buddha myself, though, because the Buddha also said, "Let therefore, that no man love anything. Loss of the beloved is evil. Those who love nothing...have no fetters." I guess Buddha never owned a dog, or a cat or rabbit for that matter.
Today was a glorious day, with one exception i need not elaborate on. 70s, breeze, cloudless sky, solitude, tranquility (go, Buddha), my dog, my memories, a fire tonight. I am focusing my mind on transforming the fire of my grief into the gold of joyous memories, an alchemy of sorts. I sat by the fire tonight with Leben's ashes by my side, looking at his photo, listening to Fur Alina, and i could feel the fire turning my grief into joy. Today was actually the first day since Leben was put down one month ago that i did not choke or tear up thinking or talking about him.
As we head farther north, each dawn brings temperatures about 10 degrees cooler. 80s in DC, then 70 in NY, 60 in Lower Ontario, 50 yesterday here at Brent. I do have my limits, but there is still a ways to go to reach the 16 degrees at Denali last year.
Today we head to Lake Champlain Provincial Park for one day, then to Killarney Provincial Park for two, and then. Over three days around Lake Superior to Thunder Bay.
The photos below show Erde just before our first road trip in 2001, at our site here yesterday, the weathered memorialized carving at our old site, and our campsite here. What a pleasant place.
Ed and Erde, On The Road
P.S. Sorry for any errors in this message or posting. The iPad spellcheck is not known for its attention to detail.
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